Champaign County Children's Advocacy Center

Michael Williams, Executive Director

Parents & Clients Info

Dear Parents/Caregivers
What is the Children's Advocacy Center?
What is Child Sexual Abuse?
The Offender & Steps They Take to Access Children
What Are the Effects of Sexual Abuse on My Child?
How Should I Act Toward My Child?
How Parents Sometimes Feel When Abuse Has Been Reported
The Investigation & Facts About the Investigation
Your Team of Professionals
What Happens in Criminal Court?
What To Say To Others
Comments You Can Expect From Others About the Abuse
Related Documents

HOW PARENTS SOMETIMES FEEL WHEN ABUSE HAS BEEN REPORTED

When abuse is reported, parents sometimes feel as if they are on a roller coaster of emotions. This is normal. The report can affect your life in many ways, and it takes time to adjust. Following are some of the common thoughts and feelings parents have.

1. Denial. Your first reaction may be not to believe or not to accept the fact that it really happened. Or you may believe it happened, but that no real harm was done. Parents often experience denial because it is too overwhelming to accept that the abuse occurred and that there will be aftereffects.
2. Anger. You may feel angry with yourself for not protecting your child. You may feel angry with the perpetrator for what he did. Be honest about your feelings and share them with a trusted person or group.
3. Helplessness. You probably do not know what to expect and can feel that things are out of your control. Try to stay aware of how your case is proceeding and ask questions of the professionals that are involved with you.
4. Lack of assertiveness. You may feel invisible and think there is nothing you can do to help the situation get better. You can take care of your child and be sure she is receiving all the help she needs.
5. Shock, numbness, replusion. You may have memories of being abused as a child. This can lead to shock, numbness, and repulsion. If so, you may need to seek counseling for yourself to help you recover so that you can help your child recover.
6. Guilt, self-blame. You may feel it is all your fault. Remember, the offender is responsible for the abuse, not you. The best thing you can do now is support your child and learn all you can about how to make things better.
7. Hurt and betrayal. It is normal to feel hurt from the loss of your child’s innocence. You may have lost a spouse or partner if that person was the offender. You may even have lost friends. It is very important to grieve for these losses.
8. Sexual inadequacy. Some parents feel the offender turned to a child because their relations with the offender were inadequate. It is important to realize that sexual relations with an adult partner do not affect a person’s likelihood to abuse or not abuse children. If your partner was not the offender, your relationship with them may be affected as you try to work through your feelings.
9. Concern about money. You may be worried about finances because of loss of income. There are many programs available to help you.
10. Fear of violence. You may fear the offender will try to hurt you or your child. If so, there are domestic violence programs available to help you.
11. Fear of drug or alcohol abuse. You may be afraid that you or your child will abuse drugs or alcohol because of the stress. If you need help, don’t hesitate to contact a therapist, trusted person, or recovery center.

Revised August, 2010

If you suspect abuse, call your local police department or
the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services
at 1-800-25-ABUSE (1-800-252-2873)